If you work in startups, you’re either going to be terribly amused or terribly insulted by this post. It depends on whether you write these kinds of things or read them…or, like me, both. : )
Every day that I log in to Facebook, I have to wade through dozens of cookie cutter status updates from my Silicon Valley startup friends. And, quite frankly, I’ve gone from being amused to generally being f&*#^$# annoyed whenever I see one of these pop up in my feed.
So, without further ado, here are my Top 10 Most Annoying Facebook Status Updates From My Silicon Valley Friends. I love you all, but I hate your updates.
10. The Update: “Just got my beta invitation to [new startup in private beta that everyone is talking about]!”
The Translation: “Clearly I must know someone important to get this invite. Which, naturally, makes me important too.”
9. The Update: “Messing around with [new startup in private beta that everyone is talking about]. Meh.”
The Translation: “Did I mention that I got a beta invite and you didn’t? Oh, and I am not impressed because I could totally do this better.”
8. The Update: “I’ve got beta invites to [insert name of startup here]. Click here to get one!”
The Translation: “Because every time you do, I get a $25 credit/get in faster/get another pointless American Apparel t-shirt!”
7. The Update: “Congratulations [insert name of entrepreneur] on getting funded!”
The Translation: “You motherf*&(*&r.”
6. The Update: “Google just acquired [Company X]? WTF???”
The Translation: “Why didn’t Google acquire MY company?”
5. The Update: “Big Baby Born Amazing effects – WebCamera”
The Translation: “I stayed logged into Facebook while surfing questionable sites and clicking on links I shouldn’t have clicked on. Oops!”
4. The Update: “@[insert name of person more important than they are]: that is totally awesome!”
The Translation: “Guess what? I know [insert name of person more important than they are].”
3. The Update: “It’s Saturday night at 2AM and I am still coding!”
The Translation: “It’s Saturday night at 2AM and I want you to think I am still coding!”
2. The Update: “I #cantbelieve this #randomconf panel is still talking about #crowdfracking. @investor @investor @investor”
The Translation: “I’m friends on Twitter with @investor, @investor and @investor. And I make up ZANY hashtags you should all use.”
1. The Update: “WE GOT ACQUIRED! WOOHOO!”
The Translation: “Adios, muthaf#$Y(%s! Time to start name-dropping ME in your FB status updates!”
And with that, I wish you a great holiday weekend. Me? I’ll be coding ALL weekend ’til 4AM on my new startup Favo.rs (no, seriously, and ask for a beta invite here), checking out Google + (you can’t have an invite, and you don’t want one anyway: it sucks), and tweeting about #fireworkinghard to @DaveMcClure at the top secret Silicon Valley startup conference that you weren’t cool enough to get invited to. : P